How to Cope with being Ghosted…

Ghosting the act of breaking off a by ceasing all communication and contact with the former partner without any apparent warning or justification, as well as avoiding and/or ignoring and refusing to respond in any way to the former partner’s attempts to reach out or communicate.

I met this guy named “Marvin” through, Tinder. We had both swiped right and it was instantly a match. He seemed to be just my type; beard, overweight (I have an odd attraction to men who are visibly unhealthy) and creative, he was a rapper.

We talked for hours about things we shared in common and things we didn’t. We debated about hoteps, the role of the black man in society and our plans for the future. It felt right so we decided to meet for drinks.

He ordered a beer, I ordered a “dark & stormy” we shared laughs flirted a bit and before I knew it the sun had set. “Let’s get something to eat…” he said, all giddy inside I agreed we walked to his car, he jumped in the passenger seat and we drove. We grabbed burgers at my favorite spot; we played 90’s trivia and shared more laughs.

As we walked back to his car he reached over grabbed my hand. Hand in hand we shared rap lyrics, the other completed the quote, I’m a sucker for any and everything Hip-Hop. He drove me home and before I got out he kissed me on my cheek, told me he had a great time and looked forward to doing it again. It was a vibe.

The next day I heard nothing, so instead of creating my own narrative I reached out. “I hope you’re having a good day.” I sent. He quickly responded and so did I. But hours had gone by and I heard nothing “Is everything ok?” I sent. Hours later he called, I missed it, I called back “Hey, missed your call, hope you’re having a good night. Call me when you can…” he never called back, texted …nothing.

Ladies and Gentlemen I had just been ghosted.

 *by the way he’s alive and well…

Being ghosted hurts. You’re confused, frustrated, clueless, and feel disrespected. You replay the scene in your mind over and over in search for clues to make their disappearance make sense. Here are some simple steps that helped me and I’m pretty sure will help you.

Delete, Delete, Delete!
There’s no need to go searching, no need to call them out (as difficult as this maybe be…). Face it you’ve been ghosted and there’s no need to have anything reminding you of that. Delete! Delete everything related to them. Block their number, email address, block all social media accounts. You may think, “I want them to see I’m happy without them” but truth is you don’t want to give them the opportunity to be in your life again. If someone ghosts you, they don’t deserve you now or in the future. No second chances!

Be Grateful!
Grab you a bottle of champagne (or if you’re feeling feisty a pint of Hennessy), cook a fabulous meal, and call up some friends and celebrate! You need to be happy that they’re gone and will never return. If they can’t be mature enough to properly end things with you, imagine what else they can’t do? Imagine! It just wasn’t your time and there’s no need to dwell on that, everything that you need and that is good for you is on the way, don’t sweat it. But be grateful…you dodged a bullet, go you!

Take A Moment
Take some time to work on you. I’m not saying give up on dating, fall into a deep depression and don’t go out again…I’m saying to think. What you want, who do you want, what are some non negotiables? Yes, it would be great to find someone who is better than the loser who ghosted you but you don’t want to repeat and find someone who is equally as bad. Focus on being a better version of you; enjoy extra time with friends and family. Be single, be happy and live your life.

 

Have you ever been “ghoster”? Been a “ghostee”? Why did you ghost someone? How did you deal with being ghosted? Let’s talk about it…

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2 comments
  1. SDC said:

    I needed this. I think the best point is to imagine what they weren’t and *were* absolutely capable of had they not taken the childish route out. I suppose it’s best it happens early…but it still doesn’t help. I would chime in that the absolute worst is that I would never do it, and that I believe every human has a voice. Therefore I was deemed inhuman. Hard to recover from but…you’re right, here.

    • Happy it helped. I completely agree about someone having a voice and its sad that some people don’t use theirs.

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